Just before Christmas, our wedding photographers sent us the finished photographs. I knew I would love looking through and reminiscing, but I was even more grateful for the opportunity to slow down and appreciate all the little details of the big day; little details that simultaneously drove me mad and made the day so remarkable for us.
They say the devil’s in the details, and that should probably be the slogan for wedding planning. There is plenty of advice out there on how to go about it – timelines, checklists, dos and don’ts from “real brides”, etc. – it all seems so straightforward. But then you remember what you forgot amongst the excitement of the season, that the day is about you and your significant other, and suddenly the question of how to make it truly “yours”, is daunting. I was going one hundred miles an hour and when I stopped, I wondered how much of my planning up to that point had been checking off boxes without thought to the kind of celebration that was important to us. When it came down to answering simply, our non-negotiables could be summed up by four F’s: family, friends, food and fellowship, and below are a few of the ways we incorporated them into our big day.
Knowing we would have a lot of friends and family traveling in just for the weekend, we envisioned a welcoming rehearsal dinner that would allow plenty of time and space to be together: families meeting, kids running around until they pass out, going back for seconds and thirds. Growing up, my parents would throw a huge BBQ in September every year, and I have such fond memories of those long fall evenings of good food, music and conversation. Instead of a formal rehearsal, Tyler’s parents teamed up with our second family/neighbors to throw a barbecue. All of the delicious food was made by family and friends, guests played yard games, and a small bonfire rounded out the evening. Aside from being distracted by the stress of the final few weeks, the rehearsal dinner itself was exactly what we hoped for. We only wish we could do it over again!
More on food. I’ve been to very few weddings where I thought the food was noteworthy which is okay, really, you’re there for the couple, not the free dinner. What’s not okay, is when you realize that the food is the most expensive part (aside from a venue). Sure, a salmon or beef option is good, but you know what’s great? Tacos. Tacos are great. At first we wanted a taco wedding (with guacamole bearers) and when that was vetoed, we went with a small business that crafted wood-fired, upscale pizza on site with fresh, local ingredients. Aside from the fact that everyone loves pizza, it’s one of those meals that families share; it’s all-at-once laid-back, humble and comforting. Sure, I shouldn’t eat gluten and Tyler doesn’t eat dairy…but again, who doesn’t love pizza?!? We loved the out-of-the-box idea (get it? pizza box?), and in the end, everyone else did too.
You’re probably thinking, “forget about food, what about the wedding cake?”. This is when I mention that neither of us actually like cake. Rather than planning around a formality we had zero interest in, we took a less traditional route here as well. Waffle Sunday is a big deal at our house (Waffle Sunday = eating a waffle breakfast every Sunday morning; see here, here and here), and with our wedding falling on a Sunday, it was the perfect opportunity to share our tradition with friends and family. I had heard of waffle bars for brunch parties, and when I saw a waffle wedding cake on Pinterest, it was the cherry on top, figuratively speaking. We asked a good friend to put together a small waffle cake, and along with a waffle bar, it was such a personal touch to a tradition that we otherwise wouldn’t have cared for.
Food aside, my favorite aspect of our wedding was when we added a minute at the ceremony to take it all in. Following our vows, we had asked our officiant to direct us toward friends and family, who were asked vows of their own, to continue supporting, counseling, mentoring and loving us in the marriage we were about to begin. The day moves so incredibly fast, and it was meaningful to have a moment to stand still, take in the significance of what was happening, and connect with the people who were instrumental in getting us to that place.
We set out to create something simple, while still beautiful and memorable. In the end, it was exactly that. In fact, looking back, we could have even done less with less, and it would have only made our day more personal. Of course, hindsight is 20:20. If you’re planning your own wedding, whether it’s a long way out or around the corner, I encourage you to ask “What do we care about?” and focus on those things rather than the Pinterest-perfect picture. If you’re newly engaged, don’t be afraid to consider something a little less traditional, like an informal cocktail-type affair, a brunch wedding, an “I Do BBQ”, or even a taco bar complete with guacamole bearers (but please invite me if you do this one). Do you like fondue? I’ve heard of a fondue wedding (spoiler alert: it was a ton of work, but such a cool idea). If you’re further along, I encourage you to take a step back from the checklists, go through the details, and choose your own traditions in favor of traditional. My point is, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime celebration for you two, so make it yours.
Soon-to-be Brides: I hope it goes without saying, but if you’re sitting there stumped or daunted by the whole process, please reach out to me! So much of our wedding was DIY, and I spent an endless amount of time searching out the best values, learning things like where to order bamboo table settings or dried rose petals, and the ideal thickness and lengths of tablecloths. You really only know once you’re in the midst of it, and I’d be so happy to save someone else the same headaches! Plus, I absolutely loved our farmer-florist, pizza caterer, and photographer, and would 100% recommend any of them!
A few other ways we made the day “ours”:
- For our love of coffee, we had a coffee bar near the ceremony site, and gave away roasted coffee beans as a favor.
- Our dog, Teagan, was in the wedding. She moaned and rolled around during the ceremony because she was bored, which was expected, but it wouldn’t have been “us” without her.
- I walked down to the aisle to a cut of “Somebody to love” by Queen. The song seemed appropriate and was a playful and less-formal entrance for my dad and I, both to calm nerves and set the mood for a fun evening.
- A rare event these days; both of our parents celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary in 2017. We honored them and their commitment to marriage by surprising them with a parents dance. We kept it a surprise and loved the sweet moment they shared.
Amelia's Musings 